transgender – Boy, Interrupted

Latest update on the transition journey

24th October 2019 Red

Been a while, I’ve been occupied with other things that I really should post about (crafting stuff, I have an Etsy store now!), but posting now because there’s gender stuff that needs logging. Other stuff may happen now this is done.

I had a Gender Identity Clinic appointment today about deciding not to have a hysterectomy. Long story short, I was suffering panic attacks, insomnia and depression, and when I worked out it was about surgery and decided not to have it, all that stress went away. There were other concerns, too (like if we no deal brexit, how fucked is the NHS and can I afford to pay for testosterone?), but the main one was that I knew that I would regret it if I had the surgery. I absolutely do not want to end up as a transgender regrets statistic, because as of right now the only ‘regret’ I have is not being able to transition sooner. Surgery just seems unnecessary and invasive at this point, especially as I don’t have excessive dysphoria about my nether regions (I may do if I wasn’t basically asexual, but I am, so it’s a non-issue), and all I wanted was to stop heavy, painful periods on a 3 week cycle because, trans or cis, it’s something that sucks.

Anyhow, I went in to the appointment ready for battle, explained what happened and my feelings on the matter, doc says, ‘Oh, why don’t we try Depo Provera?’, to which I smiled and nodded enthusiastically, because that’s what I wanted when all this started 2 years back. My first appointment back in 2017 about all this was with a nurse who basically said surgery was the only option and it was about time to get rid of the reproductive bits anyway, because cANcER, at which point she referred me to the doc to sort it. So this will be why Depo it was never actually discussed.

In hindsight I’m Very Annoyed with her, because that’s two years of heavy, painful periods and fucking around wasting appointments other people could have used. We had a phone appointment a couple of months back, and she was all bright and cheery until I said I wasn’t having surgery and I should get an appointment with the doc to discuss things. She went suddenly very cold and lecturing, citing new NHS guidelines saying blockers etc aren’t given after 6 months on testosterone, and a hysterectomy was best because of the CaNCeR risk (seriously, she was really big on the cancer thing).

Her implication was that the doc would agree with her, hence me getting ready to battle. The doc was totally relaxed and agreed with me about my concerns and wanting to try something less invasive, and said everything I was prepared to say about the link between testosterone and cancer in trans guys is theoretical and so minuscule it’s not really worth worrying about unless you have epic family history, just make sure to get the usual screenings done. Was one of the simplest appointments I’ve had, and I’m now discharged back into GP care. Hurray!

So now I’m looking back and WTFing about the nurse’s attitude and wondering if that was some weird gatekeepery shit based on what she thinks a proper trans person should do or some such bullshit. Though we’re talking about the same nurse who insists on calling testosterone ‘boy juice‘ which is cringeful enough without taking into consideration that I was 38 bloody years old when she said that to me (I’m 99% certain I have at least 5 years on her in age), and she said boys were shit at taking meds despite me saying I have to take meds daily to keep me alive, and don’t have a problem. It evidently didn’t fit with her world view. Anyway, maybe now I can just get on with life without stressing about all of this.

Also, they paid travel expenses, which is nice.

My experience of being transgender

17th August 2018 Red

Some of you are probably aware that I’m currently waiting for a surgery date for a hysterectomy. Because this is being trans on the NHS, this means lots of long waiting lists and getting second opinions. I saw the specialist at another Gender Identity Clinic for the second opinion at the end of May, was given the okay, and told the letter would be in the post within the next few weeks. End of July, my GIC gets in touch for a checkup, and baffled that they hadn’t had anything through, so set about chasing it up. I’ve had a letter through from the other GIC to say the doctor I saw is off for the foreseeable future (I read that as ‘signed off sick with stress because the NHS is stretched to the limit, GICs even more so) and that letters would be dealt with upon their return. Basically, I’m in limbo as I’ve no idea if or when that letter will turn up, or if I need to see another GIC for another referral. I’m not upset, as this is for purely medical reasons (I’ll get into that later), but fed up with waiting because I’d like to be organising things like the odd holiday without worrying I need to drop plans for a GIC appointment. The actual surgery I could reschedule, because it’s routine with lots of options. GIC appointments are gold dust – if you reschedule, you can be waiting many months longer, so you reschedule plans instead.

Anyhow. With that news, I thought it was time I pulled together one of the posts about me being transgender that I have in my drafts. This one is about my personal experience of being trans and transitioning. The other will come at a later date and is about my relationship with feminism as a trans guy, so I won’t be dealing with that subject here.

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On the subject of the London Pride parade hijacking by TERFs

9th July 2018 Red

For anyone not aware, the London Pride parade on Saturday, 7th July 2018 was hijacked by a group of Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists (TERFs¹) who were protesting the existence of Transgender people. They claimed they were protesting the erasure of lesbian identity, but the fact of the matter is that these claims are (for the most part) complete and utter tripe. Aside from the fact that they plain don’t like us, they’re getting up in arms about the Gender Recognition Act and don’t seem to grasp that everything they want to prevent trans women from doing… they can already do². All the GRA essentially is is a way to make getting a Gender Recognition Certificate³ a much less painful process for those of us who would find the thing useful to have to live our daily lives like the rest of society.

The propaganda leaflets the TERFs were distributing were full of misinformation and twisted words, and the behaviour of these women was deplorable and frankly criminal, and potentially could have been dangerous. They won’t get prosecuted. They’ll just get a slap on the wrist, because crimes like this against trans people are rarely taken seriously. On the positive side, it did spark outrage in the lesbian community, with so many cis⁴ women coming out in support of their trans sisters and decrying the actions of the TERFs. Genuinely heart warming to see, and I have so much love for these women right now.

I’m pretty angry about the stunt in general. Trans issues aside, these women crashed a major event to push their issues, heedless of the disruption. They also displaced the NHS staff who were supposed to be leading the parade, and screwing over the NHS is a reason all by itself for condemning these actions. Respect our NHS, people. But I’m mostly irked by the lying contents of that leaflet. I’m going to take a few points from it and go through them.

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