Boy, Interrupted

For anyone not aware, the London Pride parade on Saturday, 7th July 2018 was hijacked by a group of Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists (TERFs¹) who were protesting the existence of Transgender people. They claimed they were protesting the erasure of lesbian identity, but the fact of the matter is that these claims are (for the most part) complete and utter tripe. Aside from the fact that they plain don’t like us, they’re getting up in arms about the Gender Recognition Act and don’t seem to grasp that everything they want to prevent trans women from doing… they can already do². All the GRA essentially is is a way to make getting a Gender Recognition Certificate³ a much less painful process for those of us who would find the thing useful to have to live our daily lives like the rest of society.

The propaganda leaflets the TERFs were distributing were full of misinformation and twisted words, and the behaviour of these women was deplorable and frankly criminal, and potentially could have been dangerous. They won’t get prosecuted. They’ll just get a slap on the wrist, because crimes like this against trans people are rarely taken seriously. On the positive side, it did spark outrage in the lesbian community, with so many cis⁴ women coming out in support of their trans sisters and decrying the actions of the TERFs. Genuinely heart warming to see, and I have so much love for these women right now.

I’m pretty angry about the stunt in general. Trans issues aside, these women crashed a major event to push their issues, heedless of the disruption. They also displaced the NHS staff who were supposed to be leading the parade, and screwing over the NHS is a reason all by itself for condemning these actions. Respect our NHS, people. But I’m mostly irked by the lying contents of that leaflet. I’m going to take a few points from it and go through them.

LGBTQ politics has failed lesbians

Well, yes, in that the community seems to fail anyone on some level who isn’t a cis, white, middle class, gay man, sure. I’m not arguing that point. This is a sad and established fact that really needs to change. But you want to know who gets failed more than lesbians?⁵ People of colour are regularly overlooked (and god help you if you’re a black trans woman), because the fact of the matter is that non-whites are failed in every aspect of life, and their sexuality is often another thing used against them by whites and even their own.

Bi people get the short end of the stick, too, because the community often likes to pretend they don’t exist, and slams them as being either pretending posers doing it because it makes them look cool, or gay people in denial of their own sexuality. Did you know that this Pride in London was the first time in forty seven years that there was a bisexual float in the parade (congratulations on that, it’s about bloody time!)? That’s pretty shameful.

I’m not playing a game of ‘who has it worse’ here, genuine lesbian grievances are valid, but oppression of lesbians by trans people is really not something that should high be on that list⁶. This TERF claim makes it sound like lesbians are the most marginalised group in the community ever, which they blatantly are not. I suspect that they actually mean TERFs are being failed because they’re discovering more and more LGBTQ people refuse to pander to their hate.

Enforcing compulsory heterosexuality on [lesbians]

If a lesbian chooses to be with a trans woman, she is still a lesbian. In fact, if she chooses to be with a cis man, she is still a lesbian as she is primarily attracted to women. Sexuality is fluid, and sometimes you fall in love with people you don’t expect. It doesn’t mean your previous experiences and identity were a lie, it doesn’t invalidate your current sexual identity.

It’s the TERFs who insist lesbians can only love women⁷ who are the ones erasing these very identities. Look, no one is looking to take away your identity. If you are a lesbian who likes only cis women, that should not and will not be taken away from you. No one will make you get with a man⁸ or even a trans woman if you’re not comfortable with that.

However, if you don’t like someone else claiming a lesbian identity because they’re either a trans woman, in love with a trans woman, or have fallen in love with a cis man, then you are the one erasing identities and imposing yours on others.

Latest developments in what is absurdly called ‘gender identity’

Which latest developments? The ones where transgender people exist? That’s not recent, that’s been going on for centuries (probably since the dawn of time given not all cultures have a strict binary gender system like Westerners do).

The ones where the medical profession recognises being transgender is valid and recommends transitioning as a valid and beneficial form of treatment for most trans people? That’s been going on for decades, though only after the medical profession spent a good long time trying to ‘cure’ us with horrific and dubious methods that were also used to try and ‘cure’ gay people.

Perhaps you mean the latest development where there seem to be more trans people? There aren’t really, it’s just more trans people at an earlier age are now aware of what they are and are educated enough on the subject to get treatment. Older trans people finally feel safer to accept who they are and come out than they did earlier in life.

Ah, perhaps you mean the one where ‘suddenly’ trans women are identifying as lesbians. This also isn’t new, but what is pretty new is the fact that trans people are able to have different sexual identities these days. Did you know that it used to be that to medically accepted as transgender and be able to transition, you had to be the perfect example of the sex you were transitioning to? Ultra femme women or manly men tomboys. This also included becoming ‘heterosexual’. A trans woman had to like men, a trans man had to like women. You wanted to to transition, you had to jump through hoops and to pretend to be something you’re not. At long last this is accepted as utter crap, and trans people having a wide variety of sexual identities is now recognised.

So yes, you have younger trans people being comfortable with their sexuality, and older trans people shedding the shackles of what was expected and finally able to explore their sexual identity healthily. They’ve always been there, it’s not a sudden ‘attack’ on lesbian identity, you just didn’t see them.

Heterosexual men who pretend to be women are now trying to impose themselves as ‘lesbians’ on the rest of the world and, above all, on actual lesbians.

First of all, trans women are women. Trans lesbians are lesbians. Just thought I’d make sure that was down in print.

Now, as much as it galls me to admit it, some of the words that the TERFs twisted in those leaflets had some vague basis in reality, they’ve just been skewed completely out of proportion and context (as is usually the case with bigoted garbage). I’ve seen arguments from trans people myself stating that not wanting to have sex with them because they don’t have the expected genitals makes a person transphobic. But that’s it, heated words.

What I have never witnessed is a trans person trying to force themselves on another person, to coerce them into sex on the basis that if they don’t, then they’re transphobic. I’m not saying it hasn’t happened (because some trans people are skeevy creeps just like cis people can be), but that would be a minority within a minority, not something that the majority of trans people would do. If it happened, it would be so rare that it’s inexcusable for these TERFs to use that in propaganda as something all trans people do.

I would also like to say on the record that this opinion that simply not being attracted to trans people is transphobic is, of course, complete and utter horseshit. We are attracted to who we are attracted, if something or someone doesn’t pique your interest sexually you shouldn’t be shamed for that.

Now, if you’d never entertained the idea of sex with a trans person because, eww, trans people are gross and shouldn’t exist, they’re just crazy, then that’s transphobic. But if you’re just not sexually into the genitals the trans person owns, that’s not transphobic. It’s also not transphobic to be unsure, because it might be something you’d never considered before and you need to think on it and assess what that means for your own identity. That’s fine, too, just admit it so everyone is on the same page.

If you’re not into my junk but otherwise cool with my gender, I am absolutely okay with that. I’m not into my junk, either. I don’t find vaginas appealing, and I’m not going to force myself to do something I don’t find appealing. I mean, I’m not going to say it’ll never happen, but I am 99% certain that I’ll continue to find vaginas sexually unappealing. This does not make me in any way transphobic, and I’m not going to hold it against someone for feeling the same. It just makes me aware that while I identify and present as a guy, I do not have the typical junk of a guy, and often sex can come down to this basic fact.

A trans person feeling rejected because of this is absolutely valid, but calling someone transphobic because of just that is a shitty thing to do. If you’re not their type, mope and then move on. And yes, I understand that it’s a horrible dysphoric reminder that the cards we were dealt in life have been shitty, and this kind of rejection makes us feel invalidated as men and women, but again, that’s not the fault of the person who doesn’t want to sleep with you. I they let you down politely for just not being their type, then they’re not at fault. They’re only at fault if they’re nasty when they do it and claim you’re not a real man or woman. That’s being transphobic.

So, yes, some trans people have accused both cis and trans people of being transphobic because they’re not sexually attracted to them, but they’ve not been coercing people into sex to prove otherwise. Their words were just grossly used and what was actually said was utterly disproportionate as a crime compared to what the TERFs used those words and reactions for. The TERFs used them as hate propaganda, as an excuse to justify their hatred of trans people, to deny us rights and to push their own agenda. The words as spoken by trans people come from a place of persecution and hurt, from being rejected and angry, even if they are words that are often misguided and words a lot of trans people (myself included) don’t agree with.

This is rape culture

This statement is ridiculous and offensive to those who suffer as a result of rape and assault. Rape culture is the normalising, joking about and acceptance of rape, not trans women identifying as lesbians and wanting to date other lesbians. Even if they come on a bit strong they just generally need to be told to back off and they will.

Butch lesbians and lesbians who do not conform to femininity are increasingly pressured into coming out as ‘transgender men’ or ‘non binary’/ We want to… stop the transing of lesbians who do not conform to feminity

It’s honestly really very simple. Trans people do not recruit people to become trans. I’ve ranted about it several times on Twitter. We are portrayed as monsters by the media and treated like absolute dirt by society, and we wouldn’t wish the kind of treatment we get on our worst enemies, much less a regular person.

When young people come into support forums asking if they’re trans, the responses are to say only they can know their own identity, that they need to discuss the issue with their parents if it’s safe to do so, or to talk to their therapist or someone else they can trust who can be supportive but impartial. No one says ‘yeah, you’re trans, get on hormones and have surgery ASAP’⁹.

The trans community advocates getting educated and exploring your gender before doing anything permanent. Experimenting with things such as using chosen pronouns online, playing with wardrobe, with binders or stuffed bras, haircuts. Questioning people are encouraged to explore their identity, and if it turns out they’re not trans after all, then that’s absolutely fine. We’re not recruiting young lesbians. Really.

I personally take great issues with these statements, because the fact of the matter is that these TERFs erase my own identity. They have this outdated idea that trans men are just butch lesbians in denial. They claim their young lesbians are being ‘stolen’. This is just wrong on many, many levels.

1. Saying they’re being stolen is like saying there are two groups vying to ‘recruit’ these girls. By that logic, they’re implying that lesbians recruit members, which is blatantly bullshit, and dangerous at that. It fuels the whole gay agenda and corrupting the young accusations that homophobes use against gay people¹⁰.
2. They’re not giving these young people credit to know their own minds. The TERFs are suggesting they know better, like they have a better inside to someone’s mind than the person it belongs to.
3. They’re forcing their own identity on people, the very thing they claim that trans people are doing them.
4. They’re ignoring the very big counterargument to this nonsense: not all trans guys are attracted to women. Just like cis people, trans people come in all flavours of sexual preferences.

Point 4 includes me, and I’m not the only trans guy this applies to. I’m not sexually attracted to women. I have never been a part of or identified with the lesbian community.  There’s is absolutely no way I have been stolen from that community. I am not in any denial about my sexual identity. I’m not even in denial about being butch, because I am so very not butch and never have been.  I don’t have access to statistics, but it’s pretty safe to say that trans men who are exclusively attracted to females and were butch lesbians – and therefore the ‘girls’ the TERFs are referring to – probably account for less than half of us.

So many of us also identify as gay, bisexual, pansexual and asexual. Some of us are masculine and butch, others of us are femme, and others of us fall in between. We come in all shapes and sizes and all kinds of backgrounds, and most of us don’t fall into that narrow category that TERFs claim are ‘their people’ being ‘stolen’. That makes me angry, because TERFs are invalidating my identity in order to stick to their transphobic rhetoric. Pretty rich from people who claim to be trying to protect identities. Instead, they try to forget that those of us who put a spanner in their vile arguments don’t exist.

Also, ‘transing’ is not, has not and should never be, a word.

We want… to reject the Born This Way rhetoric

I do wonder if these women stopped to think about this. By rejecting this they are saying sexuality is a choice. This in itself is fine, it’s a valid belief, and while I believe I was born this way, I also know people who feel they have chosen their sexuality, and respect to them for it. What is not fine is the TERFs are essentially saying they chose to be be lesbians. They chose their identity, yet they are forcing this identity on others and saying those people can’t choose their own identities. So, which is it? You can’t choose your own identity and then deny someone else theirs, it doesn’t work that way.

The rest of the list is basically how lesbians should be protected from the scary trans people who threaten lesbian identity somehow. Ladies, you can have your clubs that exclude trans women, where you complain about trans women and how trans men are traitors. While you do that, more and more lesbian groups will open up and accept trans women where they’ll get along, drink cups of tea, enthuse about how great women are and compare pictures of their cats.¹¹

 

Trans people don’t want to erase other identities. We want people to be able to be proud of who they are and embrace their own identities. We’re all individuals and we can identify as one thing without someone else’s identity being destroyed. At the very core of it all, we just want to be ourselves and get on with our lives without having our right to exist being debated at every turn by people who hate us for no sane reason and are highly unlikely to ever be personally affected by trans issues. Please, stop with this ridiculous hate and just let us be ourselves.

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Footnotes:

1. TERF is not a slur. It is a descriptor for a feminist who does not believe trans women are women. If you think it’s a slur, that’s because people don’t like TERFs for their nasty opinions, and so you may want to look into why they think that rather than simply decrying it and carrying on being nasty.
2. And, in the case of attacking people in public restrooms, don’t actually do
3. We don’t get new birth certificates in the UK, but this is basically documentation we can use instead so we don’t have to get GP letters and other supporting documentations to say we’ve transitioned when we want to do official paperwork, like getting a job or applying for a passport. Currently we have to spend a lot of time and our own money in order to pull together required information to prove to a panel of people that we’re actually transgender (despite having gone through transition with a clinic and living as our new gender) so we may be able to get the certificate. Unsurprisingly, a lot of us don’t bother because it’s expensive and humiliating, and a GP letter and deed poll to get a passport is the lesser of two evils.
4. Cis is also not a slur. It literally means the opposite of trans. It’s a linguistic term for when you’re comparing two groups of things, just like with terms such as homo and hetero. That is it. Cisgender (and therefore cis female and cis male) is a term to describe people who identify as the sex they were born as, nothing more. It is used in the discussion of gender in order to differentiate between the trans and non-trans people without invalidating the trans person’s identity. It does not in itself invalidate anyone’s identity.
5. Aside from trans people, obviously, because we’re at the bottom of the food chain and we don’t count in the eyes of these women anyway.
6. It shouldn’t even be on the list, because it’s not a thing at all. But I’m not ruling out the odd crazy trans person on a weird crusade to eradicate lesbians. We’re living in a world where Trump is President of the USA, Brexit is happening in the UK, and somehow England might win the World Cup. I’ve quickly learned to never say never about anything, even about living in an episode of Criminal Minds.
7. They may have to hand in their lesbian cards if they even glance at a man.
8. Unless we’re talking about the vile, misogynistic species of cis men who won’t take no for an answer, and think women should be subservient to them. This is then slap bang in assault and rape territory and, while a very important issue that badly needs discussion and a remedy, it’s unrelated to the gender and sexual identity discussion at hand
9. Well, there might be someone, but they’d be crazy and yelled at by the rest of us that they’re wrong
10. Isn’t it funny how these TERFs sound exactly like the homophobes who treat them just as badly for being lesbians?
11. I mean, they may do other things, but I generally assume this is what lesbians get up to in their spare time based on studying the interactions of the lesbians I know. There may be some dog pictures for variety. There’s a possibility there’s a blood sacrifice of a young virgin male every second Thursday of the month, but I’m 99% that’s not the case.